Now that I have been married for several years, my husband and I often joke that we speed-ran adulthood. We met young, fell in love quickly, got married at 24, bought a house, and somehow became the kind of couple discussing paint samples and air fryers before most people had even emotionally recovered from university.
I met him when I was 19, and honestly, it did feel a little like one of those annoyingly cliché moments where you just know. Although in our case, there was slightly less cinematic romance and slightly more bonding over post-work pub trips and mutual exhaustion. But before he arrived like the human embodiment of “finally, a decent man,” there were two serious relationships that shaped huge parts of my teenage years and early adulthood.
And now that enough time has passed for me to discuss them without wanting to dramatically throw myself onto a chaise lounge with a glass of wine, I thought it would be interesting to reflect honestly on whether I actually regret them.
My First Relationship: Teenage Love and Emotional Chaos
I entered my first serious relationship when I was 14 years old, which now feels deeply concerning considering at that age I still looked about nine and thought body glitter counted as a personality trait.
But at the time, it felt enormous. We were together for two years, which in teenage years is essentially the equivalent of a forty-year marriage complete with emotional devastation and dramatic MSN Messenger statuses. It was sweet, intense, innocent, and full of all those huge feelings that only really exist when you are young and experiencing everything for the first time.
Eventually, distance became too difficult for us. And honestly, expecting two sixteen-year-olds to navigate long-distance romance with emotional maturity is optimistic at best. The breakup itself was hard enough, but because our families were close, I still had to see him constantly afterwards. Nothing says healing quite like unexpectedly bumping into your first heartbreak at family events while pretending you are completely fine.
Looking Back at My First Love
Now that I am older, I can look back at that relationship far more gently than I once did.
At the time, it felt world-ending because teenage heartbreak genuinely does feel catastrophic when you have never experienced it before. But now, I mostly see it as an important part of growing up. It taught me what it felt like to care deeply about someone romantically for the first time. It gave me memories that still feel strangely nostalgic, even now.
And honestly, there is something quite beautiful about those early relationships before adulthood fully arrives with bills, responsibilities, stress, and emotional baggage. Everything feels bigger, messier, and more dramatic because your world is still relatively small.
The Second Relationship: Ah Yes, the Cheater
After my first breakup, I did what many emotionally fragile teenagers do and immediately launched myself into another serious relationship instead of processing anything properly whatsoever.
Initially, things were genuinely happy. We built a life together for several years and I truly believed the relationship would last long term. Then came the plot twist absolutely nobody enjoys: cheating. Specifically, cheating with somebody at university while I was blissfully unaware like an emotionally underprepared side character in my own life.
And honestly? That breakup changed me in ways my first heartbreak never did.
The Kind of Hurt That Alters You
What surprised me most about being cheated on was how much anger came alongside the sadness.
My first breakup had felt heartbreaking. This one felt humiliating. It cracked my confidence completely for a while and brought out sides of myself I genuinely did not recognise. I became bitter, defensive, snappy, and emotionally exhausted. Looking back now, I can see I was carrying so much unresolved hurt that it leaked into everything around me.
It took a very long time to rebuild myself after that relationship ended because betrayal does something strange to your ability to trust both other people and your own judgement. And honestly, even now, if you asked me for a mature reflection on him, my answer would probably still include the phrase “absolute wanker” somewhere within it.
Do I Actually Regret Them?
Surprisingly, no. I genuinely do not regret either relationship.
Were they messy? Absolutely. Dramatic? Without question. Emotionally chaotic enough to fuel several Taylor Swift albums? Completely. But they also taught me lessons I would never have learnt otherwise. My first relationship taught me softness, vulnerability, and what young love feels like before life complicates everything. My second relationship taught me boundaries, resilience, and the kind of behaviour I would never tolerate again.
More importantly, every relationship, good or bad, slowly pushed me towards the person I eventually became. And that version of me is the woman who met my husband and built the life I have now.
Time Changes Everything
One thing nobody tells you when you are heartbroken is how differently you will eventually remember things years later.
At the time, pain feels permanent. You cannot imagine ever laughing about the situation or viewing it objectively. But eventually, time softens things. Not necessarily enough to make every memory pleasant, but enough to remove the sharpness from it all. You stop reliving the emotions constantly and instead begin seeing the experience itself more clearly.
And honestly, there is something very freeing about reaching the stage where your past no longer feels emotionally charged every time you revisit it mentally.
Final Thoughts
I think relationships, even the painful ones, are rarely pointless.
Every person you love teaches you something about yourself, whether that lesson arrives gently or smashes into your life wearing emotional steel-toe boots. And while there are certainly moments from my past relationships I would never willingly relive again, I also know those experiences shaped my understanding of love, trust, boundaries, and myself enormously.
So no, I do not regret my exes. Although I am incredibly relieved they are exes. And honestly, sometimes that is the healthiest conclusion of all.
